A deal where you can dine looking out at the river Severn and the twinkling lights of Bristol whilst sampling a tasting menu (worth £145.50) for just £48 for two people at The Lockhouse Bar and Restaurant in Portishead. Sounded brilliant, so Scott and I drove into the sunset, negotiated the harbourside newbuild and descended the steps into the old lockhouse that looked out one way onto a blue metal warehouse that looked like Ikea, and the other way towards the Severn. We were given a table in the conservatory which unfortunately was the furthest possible away from the sparkling view but if I stretched my neck I could see it. After quite a long wait (it was full and there was only one waitress who seemed to fly all around the room on a constant mission to bring and clear away food) we were given a menu and a glass of prosecco. The tasting menu turned out to be 3 starters, a main and a dessert from the a la carte menu with no choice. In other words, just a set menu.
First came a tiny tiny expresso cup of fairly tasty soup which did nothing for my grumbling stomach and there was no bread in sight to comfort the growl. After a long wait, the second dish was a boiled egg! This surprised me because we were expecting an asparagus salad with a soft boiled duck egg. What arrived was a chicken's egg in an egg cup with some green bits. Unfortunately, we had already had 2 poached eggs for lunch that day! The tiny bit of rocket and 2 crunchy (I thought raw) asparagus spears still did nothing to help with the emptiness. Third was a cubic inch of haddock in a reasonably tasty tomato sauce, and still nothing to satisfy the hunger. Looking around the room I realised that everybody except one table was having exactly the same food... probably all signed up for the Groupon coupon! So we were able to work out how long we had to wait between courses.. which seemed a very long time. We also saw how small the portions were before they arrived!
The main was a chunk of blade of beef... nicely falling to bits, but sadly the stuff of which nightmares are made for Scott who hates anything remotely like a school dinner stew! It came with carrot puree and kale and the most unpleasant piece of potato cut into a round shape that I have ever tasted. It was watery and strangely textured and I can only surmise that it had been cooked previously and warmed in a microwave. I was still hungry but actually couldn't eat it! I had asked for some tap water at the start of the meal and had to ask again. Dessert was a single strawberry dipped in a sweet substance, with a shaving of chocolate and two tiny cubes of chocolate truffle.
There's no such thing as a free lunch! We went home feeling we had only just had enough food to quench our hunger, but very glad we hadn't paid £145 for such disappointment! Looking on the bright side, apart from the chocolate (which was probably only big enough to be a couple of syns), the whole meal was Slimming World friendly so I will hopefully lose weight this week! By the way I lost the pound I put on in Spain, and another one as well! Wish me luck this week!
